So You Thought Adding An “O” To The End of English Words Turned Them Into Spanish Words…

By: Eunice Miller (Contributor)

Hey ladies! OMG this is soooo embarrassing. I was eating brunch at our favorite Mexican Food Bistro “El Coño” with my bestie Yancy’s Mommy Helen, and I got a little too big for my britches. You see, I have been dabbling with learning a little Spanish here and there, and I noticed that a lot of words look like English words. But they are pronounced and spelled a little differently, and they have an “o” at the end. Some examples I know of which pop up from time to time in my daily life are “apartmento”, “adulto”, “contracto”, “dinosaurio penito” etc… Sure there are other words mixed in there, but I got the gist of the message. But that is another story for another time.

Well stupid me noticed this anomaly and thought, and I quote, “well Spanish is pretty easy…guess I don’t need to learn that after all”. You probably thought the exact same thing! Well I am here to tell you that it is not true. I mean, I knew that there were other words, of course. But I honestly thought that even if a word was not technically Spanish, that they would know what I was talking about.

Well I was wrong about that. Back to our brunch. We ate our food and it was time to get the check. So to sound fancy I said “our checko por favor?” Our waiter said “como?” which means that he did not understand me. So naturally I said it louder and slower and got rid of any English. So I looked around to make sure I was not making a scene, stared into his eyes, and said “el checko por favor”. His eyes lit up a little so I figured that we were finally communicating.

So the waiter leaves, and instead of bringing back our check, brought this handsome young man named Jozef who apparently was a line cook for this place. On top of that, he is apparently some sort of international drug dealer named “The Czech” and I stumbled on some secret phrase that people use to buy drugs there. Well since I don’t use the marijuana, I tried to explain that it was all a big mistake, and I double cross heart promised that their secret was safe with me! But I don’t think that Jozef spoke Spanish either because he just nodded to our waiter and walked off.

Well you will never guess what happened next. Me and Yancy’s Mommy Helen finally paid for the bill and were walking to our car. The next thing you know, this black van pulled up and we were thrown inside and were blindfolded. After driving around for a long time, and not knowing where we were going, the van stopped and we were let out. We were in the middle of freaking nowhere. Then out of nowhere, this fancy car pulled up.

Apparently this was the boss of the organization, and he was uneasy that we knew they sold drugs. After again double cross my heart promising to not tell anyone, he showed me pictures of my Lil’ One’s leaving school, and also my Hubby leaving a bar (he is in soooo much trouble by the way!).

I guess it was a friendly international drug dealer kind of way to tell me not to snitch on them, but in a way it is nice to know my Lil One’s were in school.

Then to make double triple sure we did not tell on them, made us deliver a package of something to a police officer. I am not sure what it was, but the officer said “oh, you must be the new mules.” How rude! I know I could lose a few pounds, but there is no reason to be rude about it.

Anyway, after that we were taken back to our car and were told that they would be in touch. That was like 6 days ago and since then I have delivered 4 packages for these men.

It is not all bad though because I think they are starting to take a shine to me.

In fact, for my last delivery they even paid me $500 bucks! I immediately went out and spent all of that money on me, because as they say, it is “our money for bills, and it is my money for fun!” I am joking, but I did buy myself a nice diamond bracelet and posted a photo of me wearing it on my Instagram. My hubby Jeri’s Daddy Brian thought I bought it with the money I make from this blog!

Yeah, right! I wish!!

But like they also say, and I quote, “what Hubby’s don’t know wont kill them” except in this case it might, I guess. But neither here nor there. And boy am I ever glad that he never reads this blog, am I right?

So don’t make the same mistake I did! When you learn Spanish you need to learn ALL of the words! You may think that you have a language figured out one minute, but then the next minute you are recruiting other Mommy’s to deliver packages in some weird international multi-level marketing scheme. Then instead of crafts on weekends you have to spend your time roughing up that bitch Yancy’s Mommy Helen for encroaching on your turf.

It was NOT a pleasant conversation!

So trust me on this! Don’t Duo Daddle when you Duo Lingo or you never know WHAT will happen!

Oh, and if you want your check at restaurant, and want to say it in Spanish, it is “la cuenta, por favor”. That would have been good to know, am I right?? LOL