Breaking News: Mommy Outraged “All Black” Look F**ked Up by the Color Navy Blue Again

By: Precilla Young

Cedar Grove, NJ

Breaking News: Local trendsetter and Oliver’s Mommy Hailey was mortified earlier this morning upon realizing the sweater she was wearing was the color Navy Blue, and not Midnight Black as she planned.

She said, and I quote, “It is beyond frustrating. You wake up and grab your clothes, take a shower, and indoors you think you are on point. Then you get to work, and the sun hits you in just the right way, and then you realize that something you are wearing is literally Navy Blue and it literally looks stupid against your black pants”.

The mother of 4 then did what any other rational person would do. She called the 800 number of the sweater company, Benneton, to complain that the clothes they sell are “deceiving” despite being clearly labeled. She then posted a vitriolic diatribe condemning Benneton as company who “apparently hates the color Black” on Instagram and started a FaceBook Group called “Ban The Blue”.

Prior to the publishing of this report, the Facebook Group has grown to over 750,000 followers in a remarkably short period of time, though most users seemed perplexed that most posted content from its creator seemed to be about a sweater.

One poster who seemingly was on the fence about the ban commented “This is what I think it is right? Maybe the sweater is a metaphor for something else? Does anyone know?” Matters were not cleared up when Oliver’s Mommy Hailey replied by saying, and I quote “It is exactly about what you think it is and it is high time someone did something about this!” which surprised Oliver’s Mom Hailey by garnering 275,184 likes and 146,818 dislikes in an hour.

She later thanked those who participated in her efforts and stated, “I had no idea that people were so passionate about this issue. I just thought I looked like a dork-wad.”

As for the large numbers of those who seemed to vociferously support the Navy-Blue sweater, she attempted to defuse tensions by stating “Look. I mostly like the different shades of blue. In fact, I would say most colors shaded blue are ‘good’ but there are some really bad ones out there. In fact, my Dad wore blue. All my brothers wore blue. My cousins wore blue. They all looked pretty cute if I remember correctly”, which received comments ranging anywhere from “Right on!” from those who were apparently supporting the color Navy Blue to “Wait…are you talking about your clothes??” from virtually everyone else.

Update

Upon affirming that it was in fact about a sweater which made her look ‘super dumb’, the number of those following the page dropped from over 750,000 to the more manageable number of 18.

But despite the clarification Benneton immediately issued an apology and vowed to stop selling the offensive article of Navy-Blue clothing. They then announced the hiring of a backup Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Officer, and then later disbanded the company after its stock lost 99% of its value in a month due to the backlash.