Democratic, Republican Operatives Begin To Question If Courting White Suburban Housewife Vote “Even F*cking Worth It!”

Manassas, VA

Breaking News: According to verified sources, both Democratic and Republican operatives, are beginning to wonder if going after the vote of white suburban housewives is, and we quote, “even fucking worth it”. While both sides made it clear that obtaining the support of white suburban housewives may tip the election in their favor, there is also increasing resistance within party ranks, that dealing with this group is, and we quote “a little too much, honestly”.

“Look I will say it…” an unnamed Democratic operative who did not disclose her Mommy status, and also who spoke to Mommies4Mommies on the condition of anonymity began to say, “…they just won’t shut the fuck up! Nothing seems to make them happy. They are all over the place too. They want a clear environment, but then will bend your ear for an hour about keeping gas prices low. Pick one already.”

She continued, “You go to these places and they all look the same. There is a mall with a ‘Bath and Body Works” in it. There is a Chili’s and Applebee’s in the same parking lot.

They call the bar areas of these restaurants, “the bar” as in “I am going to the bar”. There are like 4 grocery stores within 5 miles of anything, and all you hear is about how difficult their life is. They don’t give a crap about half of the things they are yelling about. It is disgusting.”

We reached out to an unnamed Republican operative for comment, who incidentally also did not disclose his Daddy status.

“You know, this is so difficult for me. As an operative, this quote you just gave me is like a gift from heaven. I could bury any chance of them winning Virginia with this. But I just can’t do it. My Democratic colleague is absolutely 100% correct. They just won’t shut the fuck up, and I am tired of dealing with them too.”

We reached out to local Mommy, and PTA President, Jayden’s Mommy Jan to get her reaction.

“This is outrageous. Both political parties need to come and apologize right now! Our vote is like super important and we demand constant attention! If we were not important then why do they cater to every single need we have? Now they are telling us they don’t want our vote?!? ”

The unnamed Democratic operative who did not disclose her Mommy status later seemed to soften her position.

“Okay. Just to be clear. You repeatedly asking if I am a Mommy is a little weird. Just saying. Of course we want their vote. The other side wants their vote too. But imagine hearing nothing but nag, nag, nag about balanced budgets, the environment, criminal justice reform, and on and on and on. You hear all of this complaining and it never ends! Then they cut you off mid-sentence because they have to drive their SUV to a nail appointment! It is like, how hard is your life really? And why did you just lecture me for 40 minutes on Climate Change? Good hell.”

Our unnamed Republican operative who still did not disclose his Daddy status agreed.

“First of all, that is a weird thing to ask someone. Why do you care if I am a Daddy? I hope you do know that words means more than one thing too by the way. You can’t just go around asking men “are you a daddy?” Anyway, neither here nor there. Again my colleague is 100% correct.

I have to give a presentation about fixing the economy later this week to a group of suburban white ladies at a brunch. That’s right. Brunch. That thing people eat after breakfast and before lunch, and costs like $50 a person?

And I will bet $100 that one of them asks “if I can balance my budget at home, then why can’t the government do the same?” Then after she asks this, she will look around for validation while shaking her head like it was a question that no one ever fucking thought about before.”

At last report, local Mommy, and PTA President, Jayden’s Mommy Jan, was springing into action! “I am organizing a protest at Brekkies Bagels at 10:00 AM tomorrow. They have absolutely the best bagels EVER! Anyway, if they won’t take us seriously, then we are going to just vote for whichever party caters the most to rich white women and that is that! The Democrats and the Republicans can kiss our collective asses!! What do they think about that?!?”

This story will be update as more information becomes available.

–UPDATED–

We informed both the unnamed Democratic and Republican operatives, who still are withholding their Mommy and Daddy status, about the news of the protest. They said, and we quote, “Oh Jesus Christ!” and “you have got to be fucking kidding me” in respective order.