Breaking News: New Photos Suggest Accounting Manager is Day-Walker Office Hottie
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by Mommy Jen
A stunning new before and after photo of new Sr. Manager of Accounting, Claire Goodman, has led many in the office to suspect that she is a day-walker office hottie.
What you need to know. A day-walker office hottie, as defined, is an employee in the office whose appearance is seeming much more attractive inside an office from the perspective of opposite or same sex attracted co-workers, than in the natural environment. Day-walker Hotties can be from either male or female and have been known to unwittingly cause drama in the workplace simply be being so darned attractive.
While most in the office seemingly do not care to expose day-walker hotties, as they generally lead to a more colorful work life, their existence can cause problems with basic office functions such as employees fantasizing about fraternizing across business units instead of working, while others may be resentful at their appearance.
A fellow co-worker at the organization, who insisted upon remaining anonymous, provided more insight on the unseen issues Claire’s very presence produces.
“Well my boss Jim Edmonson has 2 employees and I am one of them. I have been here for 10 years and now Jim apparently suddenly wants to hang out with accountants”, deadpanned the formally anonymous IT professional who we later learned was downsized for an unrelated issue.
“He never gave a shit before she was hired and now look at him! He now suddenly spouts HR bullshit about ‘cross-department collaboration and coordination” which we all know is code for ‘I hope the new pretty lady likes me and wants to bone me!’.
She isn’t even really that hot when you really look at her. I mean, she really isn’t right??? I am asking you this in a way whereas I hope you would tell me if she was, but I guess I don’t see it. It is a little difficult to tell in here sometimes.
Anyway, she shows a little cleavage and suddenly everyone thinks a super model runs Accounting, or something. I personally don’t think she is above a 7.5 but I am happily married so there is that.”
Mommies4Mommies sent an investigative unit to follow Claire Goodman as she performed her duties, and under the guise of “wanting to see what your department does so we can model our coordination efforts cross-functionally in continuation of business initiatives from leadership” and surprisingly she agreed. What we uncovered is shocking. Below is an excerpt from the study.
“Firstly, by simply walking inside the building, we observed that Claire seemingly lost 15 pounds and her breast size increased by almost an entire cup on average almost instantly. Her waistline also seemingly slimmed by 2 to 3 sizes, though both the waist and breast size seemed to vary based on the sexual preferences of the observer.”
This variation has led to speculation that, perhaps, as has been observed in quantum physics with the now famous double-slit experiments, that there is an observer effect at play.
“We will probably never know that…” noted one of the investigators who followed Claire.
“I thought that you just wanted us to tell you if she was actually hot or not. But what I can say is that outside of the office she is one way and inside that office she transforms into something decidedly hotter.”
As of the time of this article, it has since been learned that while approximately 98% of the IT department would “totally do her”, 80% of the administration assistant pool thinks she is a total bitch who likely performed random sex acts with leadership to achieve her mid-level management position in the company.
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