So Your Lil’ One Just Said “Go F*ck Yourself You Overbearing C*nt”, But In French!!”

By: Claire Eunice Jackson

(Contributor)

I have never been prouder of myself, or my Lil’ One than I am right now!  Sure my life is not perfect, because no persons life is, but it is sooooo much better than it was just a few hours ago.  But as they say “celebrate accomplishments even if your Lil’ Ones playing of Mozart Symphony No. 40 is still a little sloppy!”  So with that said, I have exciting news to share!

My Lil’ One Braden who is 4 years old now is fluent in French!

Can you believe it?  It was not easy I tell you.  First of all, it was not easy to squeeze learning a new language into his busy day.  My Lil’ One wakes up each day at 6:00 AM, which lucky for me, is the same time I wake up.  Sometimes he will try to sleep in over the noise of the vacuum in his room, sure, but he understands that Mommy is just making his learning environment super clean! 

Then after he wakes up and bathes, which can take no longer than 15 minutes, he sits silently for 15 minutes, and then reflects on how he can make today better than yesterday.  Then it is time to make that to-do list mister!  It is the exact same each day, but it is cute to see him solidify his daily routine to maximize efficiency in all areas. 

Then at 7:00 AM it is time to get ready for 2 hours of piano, followed by 1 hour of Cello!  I think it is important that Lil’ Ones are proficient in more than 1 musical instrument at a time.  It is hard work, so at 10:00 AM it is time for some fun!  You know what I am about to say, but I will say it anyway:  “Pilates With Mommy!” 

Then at 11:00 it is in the kitchen for the next hour learning to become the best little chef he can be!  What better way to do this than letting him be in charge of making lunch for Mommy?  Why just last week, I gave my Lil’ One a new quiche recipe, and while it was not perfect, I did not spit it out either.  He is getting better for sure. 

Then after a trip to the dojo, more piano time, and a closely monitored 30 minute play date with his friend Dylan, we finally get to French lessons.  I read somewhere that the best way to teach a child a second, or third, or maybe fourth language, is by immersion.  So between the hours of 2:00 PM and 5:00 PM, my Lil’ One takes a mental journey to the streets of Paris, France!  By this I mean that everything, from the shows he watches on TV, to the music he listens to, and the French teacher meticulously correcting every mistake, is done in French! 

At first I did not think this was working, but then I could understand him saying things like “j’ai faim mamam!” which is a really cute French way of saying “I am hungry Mommy!” So cute!  Then the other day I asked if he wanted to show Mommy’s friends how well his piano is coming along and then it happened!  He said “Va te faire foutre toi-meme en te faisant trop de chatte!” (“go f*ck yourself you overbearing c*nt!”)  Note to self:  Talk to Daddy about words we don’t say in French around the house!

Anyway!  I could not be more proud!  Just the other day during art time, he drew the cutest escape plan ever!  The amazing part is that it was all in French!  Then when playing with his friend for play time they had the cutest conversation, also in French.  I won’t get into too many details about it, but here is a quick transcript from the recording:

Braden:  “Tu crois qu’ils nous comprennent enc e moment?” (“Do you think they understand us now?”)

Dylan:  “Je ne sais pas, mais nous devons faire quelque chose.  J’ai peur”  (“I don’t know but we have to do something.  I am scared though.”)

Braden:  “No le sois pas, Cette salope regrettera de m’avoir jamais appris a faire un double noeud robuste, et de m’apprendre a conduire un changement de baton.  Tout ira bien!”  (“Don’t be.  That bitch will regret ever teaching me how to tie a sturdy double knot, and also with teaching me how to drive a stick shift.  We will be fine!”)

Isn’t that adorable?  Anyway ladies, I need to cut this short today.  There is quite a commotion going on upstairs.  It looks like Braden wants to play Pirates again because he drew a big red X on the floor, and he is insisting that I stand on it again.  I guess Mommy is his biggest treasure. LOL!  It is so fun to watch them grow, am I right!

Until next time ladies! 

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