Mommy’s “He Can Invade My Ukraine If He Wants” Joke Fails Miserably
Bellevue, WA
A poorly timed joke landed Oliver’s Mommy Helen in some hot water during Wednesday’s brunch in the Seattle suburb. Stunned brunch goers sat in silence staring at their mimosas, when one brave Mommy spoke up.
“I don’t get it. Why would you want a ruthless dictator to attack you?” which was met with quiet agreement from the rest of those in attendance.
The “joke”, according to Oliver’s Mommy Helen was simply an attempt to provide levity to a stressful situation. She attempted to explain the mishap to Mommies4Mommies after the brunch.
“Look, I don’t like what he is doing more than anyone else, but he is a decent looking older man. I thought it would be pretty harmless to say he could invade my Ukraine if he wanted”.
Mommies4Mommies attempted to ask exactly what was meant by the so-called joke. Oliver’s Mommy Helen provided a cryptic answer.
“It is like saying Uncle Ben can wade in my rice patty or saying that the woman who is on the Rosarita refried beans can, can plow my beanfield. Does that make sense, now?”
Ummm…no?
She continued… “Okay, so suppose you thought Guy Fieri was hot, which he is obvs not hot but as an example, you could say something like ‘he could put his bread stick in my oven all night long!’, or with some hot famous pool player you could say ‘I would like to rack his balls sometime!’ You don’t really mean it, but it is just a funny thing to say.”
We reminded Oliver’s Mommy Helen that she possessed neither a rice patty, beanfield, and that Guy Fieri was not a chef, but more of a food personality. We also noted that she did not own any land in Ukraine, and that there are not any hot, no less famous, pool players. So why the comment?
“It is a way to say that you think someone is hot and that you would have sex with them.”
Ohhhhhhhhhh….
Update: Mommies4Mommies reached out to the Russian Embassy. Officials with the embassy responded that while Vladimir Putin would consider invading Oliver’s Mommy’s Ukraine while intoxicated, he had no interest in “dipping his Pelmeni in her Borscht” any time soon, whatever that means.
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