Breaking News: Receipt of 10,000th Dick Pic Finally Destroys Single Mommy’s Soul
Ogden, UT
Local single Mommy, Felicity and Odin’s Mommy Pam, reluctantly opened her text message application, to see if love interest Kyle Stevenson had sent a message today. Mommies4Mommies has not been able to confirm the Daddy status of Kyle through public records, but from outward appearances, seems to be an okay person.
Felicity and Odin’s Mommy Pam noticed that Kyle had indeed sent a series of messages with in the last 2 hours. We caught up with Felicity and Odin’s Mommy Pam at a local park as she stared into her phone.
“I don’t really know what to feel, or if I can feel anything at this point. I actually thought he had potential but now…” at which point she simply held up her phone.
Mommies4Mommies obtained the transcripts of the text message. Warning: If you are sensitive to various bathroom items being used to scale the size of a man’s penis, we suggest you do not read the following. Mommies4Mommies has redacted the image of the penis as well as the name of the inadequately sized mouthwash.
1/24/2023 11:00 PM Kyle: “Hey, can I show you something?”
1/24/2023 11:10 PM Kyle: “You think it is too small or something?”
1/24/2023 11:27 PM Kyle: “Dude. I understand being busy, but I am sort of putting myself out there so if you get a minute… How is your day today, by the way?”
1/24/2023 11:45 PM Kyle: “Okay I get it. You have seen better, but personality matters too. He looks like he is spunky, you know??”
1/24/2023 12:15 PM Kyle: “And still nothing. You know, I don’t just send that to anybody. I am very selective with who I share things like that with. What are you doing this weekend, anyway?
1/24/2023 12:25 PM Kyle: “Is it because it is a travel sized bottle??? I bought that in Europe. The bottles are bigger there.”
1/24/2023 1:15 PM Kyle: “Okay well you can just say you don’t like it. F**K YOU! I am done with this shit. Consider yourself blocked!!”
“I was at work!!!!” Felicity and Odin’s Mommy Pam said to no one in particular. Then we observed her speaking with a squirrel before attempting to soullessly kill the innocent animal with her purse. Thankfully the squirrel easily escaped, so she turned her wrath to a nearby tree.
“You know what? I don’t even care anymore. I just want to open my phone and see the occasional kitty cat and not some shlong from some dude who bought me coffee. But every single day I open my phone and guess what is there? Another dick.
I bet I could tell you the contents of my next 10 messages: In no particular order it will be dick, dick, dick, dick, cat, vacation photo, dick, Tesla, dick. I just don’t f**king care anymore. Go ahead and destroy the planet now if you want. I just can’t care about wanting nice things anymore.”
Mommies4Mommies caught up with Kyle Stevenson who was scrolling through dating site Plenty of Fish. When asked how he felt about ruining the life and future of an innocent single Mommy, he replied, and we quote,
“You know, you are born with what you have. Sure there is always a risk in sharing that info with someone you have hardly met, but what can you do? Not send them?? That seems a little extreme don’t you think? Like, am I supposed to take her to a dinner and movie first? I hope she is okay and everything, but who needs that drama? Just send a Thumbs-Up emoji at least. That would be the polite thing to do.”
Felicity and Odin’s Mommy Pam was last seen attempting to pet a kitten under a rainbow in a last-ditch effort to reignite whatever might remain of her immortal soul.
“I am just trying to feel again, you know?”
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