Hubby Uses “…NOT!” as a Punchline for “THE LAST F**KING TIME!”
Fishers, IN
Breaking News: While insisting that using “NOT” as a punchline is still a legitimate form of comic trope, local Hubby and Lil One’s Cayden’s Daddy Steve Carrolton, has apparently used this “for the last fucking time” with Cayden’s Mommy and his wife Cheryl. Or as Cayden’s Mommy Cheryl stated in a text to her sister, who is without child, “I just can’t take it anymore. It is just so stupid!”
The event leading up to the eventual separation, while in and of itself, does not appear to be legitimate grounds for divorce, reports suggest this is an ongoing aggravation, and though the morning’s conversation leading to the separation may seem harmless to some, not one single person associated with the couple disagrees with Cayden’s Mommy Cheryl’s decision.
Local neighbor and Bryson’s Daddy Paul released the following statement:
“We have known the Carrolton’s for a very long time, so it is sad it has come to this. In fact, we saw the original “Wayne’s World” together before they were even married. At first it was kind of funny, because everyone was saying it. But then after a few months, it sort of died off with most people. But not with Steve. He would use it ALL OF THE TIME and it got annoying.
Let me give you an example. Back in 2016 Steve and I were having a conversation about the upcoming election. We live in a conservative state, so I was a little surprised when Steve said “I think Hillary is really the best decision for this country…” Then he got this stupid grin on his face and I knew it was coming again “….NOT!” Then he laughed hysterically like it was the freshest thing ever. We stopped hanging out with them as much after that, so I get why Cheryl is doing this.”
The final straw came near the couple’s breakfast table at approximately 7:45 this morning. Cayden’s Mommy Cheryl, already annoyed by Cayden’s Daddy Steve’s insistence that “white gyms socks with slacks is fine” asked her Hubby Steve if he would like something different for breakfast whilst presenting a typical grapefruit as an alternative.
With a straight appearance on his face, Cayden’s Daddy Steve said “Oh that sounds amazing! I love grapefruit…NOT!”
“I don’t know what got into me. I just threw it as hard as I could at him. I could tell it hit him pretty squarely and it definitely left a mark. He was so stunned that he just stood there for a minute and then quietly left. I have not heard from him all day and it is great” Cayden’s Mommy also added how amazing it was that the entire neighborhood had seemingly rallied in support of her decision.
“Some people even called in sick to work, just to help me pack up all of his shit. Then another neighbor spent his own money to rent a Uhaul and a room at the Ramada for Steve to spend the night. He left the reservation on the dashboard”.
As of the time of this report, Cayden’s Daddy Steve is unaware that he is being purged out of neighborly and familial existence glibly telling a co-worker “I thought that was a really good meeting yesterday….NOT!”
The co-worker, apparently aware of the situation at home, replied “Good one. Hey, have you talked to Cheryl yet this morning? You may want to do that…” Cayden’s Daddy Steve, apparently oblivious to the impact of the morning’s events reportedly said “No way man! She threw a grapefruit at me this morning! I will call after she calms down some. Women…am I right, or am I right? I’m right, right? Welp, better get to work!” while lifting his signature “I Hate Monday’s” coffee mug in a half-hearted salute to his co-worker, and beggining his ritual morning saunter towards his cubicle.
More will be reported on this story as it develops….
*UPDATE*
Cayden’s Daddy and Cheryl’s now estranged Hubby Steve was last seen with a confused look on his face as he pulled into his driveway. Upon reading a note placed in a visible location on the door which read,
“Took Cayden to my sister’s for the night. You have used that lame joke for the last fucking time on me. If you need to get more of your stuff, just use your normal house key…NOT! The locks have been changed. See? It is not funny. It has not been funny for 20 years.
But all of your stuff is in the Uhaul, and there is a reservation for you at the Ramada, so take care and my lawyer will contact you soon. -Cheryl”, Steve was last seen knocking on neighbor’s doors, none of which, were opened.
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