Breaking News: Go Fund Me Account Created to Help Victim of Tragic Eyeliner Tattoo Accident
by: Trisha Johnson (Contributor)
Big Springs, Nebraska
A Go Fund Me account has been set up to assist Herbert’s Mommy Chloe Johnson, 31, and tragic victim of what best friend and neighbor, Tristan’s Mommy “Barb” called, and we quote, “a missed opportunity at beauty”. Tristan’s Mommy “Barb”, it should be noted, is local Team Leader of Mary Kay Cosmetics in the area since 1969.
“I don’t want to blame the victim, but I was in her living room just last Wednesday! I showed her our latest product offerings and highlighted the MK Steely eyeliner, which is fabulous. She told me, and I quote ‘oh I won’t ever be needing eyeliner again. I am getting mine eyelids tattooed’.
Well, that meeting came to an abrupt ending let me tell you what. I have been doing this for 52 years and, frankly, I don’t like the idea of permanent face disfiguration for beauty. Beauty should be carefully applied under the guidance and watchful eye of a certified expert. She went astray and now look at the poor thing! But I hope that when Herbert’s Mommy Chloe recovers from what they did to her, that she gives me a call, because I think perhaps a nice juicy peach colored blush would draw attention away from the monstrosity which are now her eyes.”
We reached Herbert’s Mommy Chloe Johnson who seemed to be in good spirits despite the tragedy. After some prodding to “just let it out” she eventually said “Okay look, it wasn’t an accident. I got a face tattoo. Lot’s of people get them now. But when Tristan’s Mommy Barb, who is incidentally also my hubby, was in my living room I told her that I was only getting my eyeliner tattooed because I knew she would freak out. Well then we went over to her house and she started crying uncontrollably so I told her there was a horrible accident. Mostly I just wanted to not be peddled Mary Kay in my living room anymore. I buy all my makeup online from Jeffree Star Cosmetics which is like actually good. But then she started this Go Fund Me account and now it is quite the problem because it is up to like $50 K which I totally don’t need. How someone who thinks that makeup is best sold by becoming a nuisance in someone’s living room figured out how crowd funding on the internet works is beyond me.”
When asked what she planned on doing with the money, she said she was not sure, but is mulling over creating a foundation to assist Mary Kay consultants struggling to comprehend that the makeup they peddle is second rate horseshit and that people only buy it because they want to help out an old lady.
About Post Author
