Breaking News! Ambitious Condom Purchase Leads To 4th Lil’ Miracle
Whitewater, WI
“I told him it was nothing to be ashamed about but his stupid ego got in the way” a visibly irritated and 7 month pregnant Skyler’s Mommy Leanne stated. “Now look at me? I am happy to be a new Mommy and all, but this one is 100% on him. I don’t even feel comfortable calling it an accident.”
According to sources, some harmless flirting between the couple started in the pharmacy section of the local Kroger on a snowy January 2020 day.
“It was nothing really. But then there we were standing in front of the condom display and we were just in the mood I guess. I made some comment about there being so many different variations, and so what does he do? He grabs a box of Trojan Magnums and throws it into the basket. Those things are for men with a HUGE, you know… Well my hubby is a lot of wonderful things, but he is definitely not a Magnum Man! I started to say something, but before I could get a word out he said ‘I am definitely a Magnum Man, right?’ His ego is so fragile about that, so I just shut up which was my mistake.”
We reached out to Leanne’s Hubby Ned for comment.
“Do we really have to talk about this? It is kind of a private matter don’t you think? It drives me nuts though! She acts all innocent, but look at her comment to you. ‘My hubby is definitely not a Magnum Man’?!? What the hell? Do you have any idea how badly this is going to mess with me? And just for the record, I totally am probably. And why are we talking about this, anyway? Who are you?”
The incident has also caused some debate in the couple’s neighborhood about the cause of the mishap. Local busy bee Glenda’s Mommy Kay perhaps summed it up best:
“For a while there, it was like a chocolate/peanut butter thing which ultimately led to the Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. Well this is similar in a way. One faction seems to favor the “slipped out hypothesis”, while another seems to be pushing for more of a “fell off” narrative. Either way, it didn’t work and we have a September miracle on the way! That is all that really matters!”
We asked Leanne’s Hubby Ned for his insight to settle the debate once and for all.
“There is a debate about this? Are you kidding me?!? Like people I know are sitting down and arguing about this? Do you have any idea how humiliating this is?
Well just for the record, I was too much for that brand I guess. I destroyed it! What can I say? I was too much man for a Magnum. That is how I remember it. Write that down on your little note pad! No more questions!”
We again reached out to Skyler’s Mommy Leanne for her take.
“He said that? He is totally delusional about this. It got destroyed alright. It got caught in my vacuum cleaner the next morning, which caught me by surprise, because it was like 30 feet away from the bed. Then I remembered that night and him walking out of the bathroom saying “let’s do this!”, then he does this little dance which I still don’t understand, then he strutted over to the bed.
Guess where I found it?
Yep. Right by spot where he danced. Sorry to paint such a visual picture, but let that be all the evidence that you need. It is not like there was a gnome throwing out oversized condoms from a grassy knoll on to the carpet. I am afraid that gravity just did what gravity does and it fell off.”
When asked what the new Lil’ One will be named, Leanne’s Hubby Ned seems to be partial to “Jack” while Skyler’s Mommy Leanne favor’s “Magnum” which also seems to be the neighborhood favorite, though the couple insists it is in reference to ultimate man Tom Sellick’s portrayal of “Magnum PI” of the hit television show of the same name, and not the deceptively large, and totally not for everyone, prophylactic brand of the same name.
About Post Author
